Now I turn to those who have experienced the warm fuzzies of first love, the growing romance of serious commitment, the fireworks of the honeymoon and the daily blessings of companionship. Marriage is without doubt a great blessing. Whenever my wife and kids leave on a trip I enjoy the relative peace and quiet for about a day. Then I become a paranoid psychotic. My mind does weird things, I lose the stability of daily routine and I become incredibly lonely. I’m not kidding. If it weren’t for Cuyler I’d go mad.
Perhaps the greatest blessing of marriage is companionship – experiencing life together with someone, having someone always there. Married people often forget the depth of loneliness they once felt, the brutal reality of complete and total silence, the feelings for someone else that are never returned. I’m glad to be rid of that.
Sex is a great blessing as well. What else to say?
The result of all that sex is often children – another great blessing. While children are demanding and often annoying and downright infuriating, I never seem to tire of the pitter-patter of small feet, the cute accent of a 2-year-old or the fun of watching a child grow into an adult.
These are the things most singles crave and long for and look for in marriage – companionship, sex, family. The list doesn’t end. HOWEVER, all us married folks know how hard – extremely, incredibly hard – marriage can be. You’ve seen the stats. Most marriages simply don’t last. And of those that do, only a small minority become the things to write books about. Most plod along like Eeyore munching thistles, kind of depressed but at least faithful. Even though I’m lurching past hypocrisy in doing so, I will give my two cents worth on what makes a marriage more than mediocre.
First, stop trying to change your spouse. If God can barely do it, you have absolutely no chance my friend. Trying to change your spouse to live up to your ideals is like getting a cat to heel. It doesn’t matter what your ideal is, you have to deal with what is REAL about your spouse. Because of the inevitable competition that exists between couples, it is very difficult to cut through the tangle of pride and offense that marriage carries. Accept them the way they are and live with it. After all, it is your own fault. Nobody forced you to marry them. You’ve already shown you’re capable of great heights together. If you did it once you can do it again.
Second, focus on the kingdom. Who gives a rip about cleaning up the coffee table when the world is in such a greater mess? Now I don’t condone laziness or not doing your share of chores, but most marriage fights are over trivial, stupid things. Kingdom people don’t have the luxury of arguing over such things. Let the stupid, silly things go.
Third, recognize that your own selfishness is the #1 reason for your marriage difficulties. We all have our trumped-up charges to place in front of our judge to condemn our spouse, but remember that our Judge sees straight through our BS (though our parents might buy it) and knows exactly what the real issues are. The real issues are ALWAYS about putting my needs ahead of my spouse.
Fourth, men, beware of the work/family dichotomy. It is a huge killer. Modern society creates an atmosphere where men can be sires, but not fathers. Nobody cares how good a father you are, they only want to know what you do, what you’ve achieved or accomplished. All the social pressure is to achieve. Again, if you’ve got kids, they didn’t appear out of thin air. You’re probably the one that said “Forget the birth control” in a fit of passion anyway. Take responsbility for your kids.
Lastly, guard yourself from the other man or woman. If you are looking at pornography, you are already a hundred miles from home. If you are flirting with someone, you are already popping pills of ruin. Take captive every thought of your weak, stupid mind. Those with a consistent devotional life are most likely to handle issues of self-control.
