I want to respond to what Emily said in her comments to my recent post about singles (comment #6).
First, it is staggering to hear someone say, “Single women are second-class citizens in the mission world. There is NO ROLE for us besides PAs and children’s helpers, there are NO TEAMS that strategize how to utilize us effectively, there are SOME AGENCIES that won’t even take us.” SHAME ON US!! Not too long ago there were women-only mission agencies. They filled the gap after the Civil War when so many men were dead. Many of the women’s colleges in the East were begun as missionary training schools for women. Eventually they died out when it didn’t seem politically correct anymore to have women-only agencies. Perhaps this should be tried again. It would be an interested historical study to look into how effective they were. Dana Robert from Boston U. has probably written something on this.
Second, I believe that finding a marriage partner is inevitably difficult and torturous, and it wouldn’t be fair if any singles out there were exempted from this rite of passage. Like I said before, there is no rhyme or reason that I can find that explains why some marry and others find it difficult. Unfortunately, there seems to be no alternative to just asking someone out or just saying yes. It’s scary, nerve-racking and altogether unpleasant – but you have to do it.
Third, the abundance of girls in comparison to guys is nothing new. There are more girls in church and I’m sure more girls in missions. I don’t see that ever changing. Kind of a bummer if you’re a girl.
Fourth, don’t worry about those two eligible guys who have various reasons for postponing marriage. Work your magic! Guys have always been irresistably attracted to girls – not even Jesus can convince them otherwise. That is the ace up your sleeve as a girl. Why else do so many good Christian kids end up in the sack before marriage? They can’t resist. The attraction of men toward women is as basic as gravity – God made it that way to ensure reproduction. Cast your spell! They will soon be putty.
Finally, I should end on a serious note because this is serious stuff. Ultimately, our only “man” should be Jesus. In heaven, there is no marriage, we will all be worshipping Him. I see no reason why single women can’t come to Jesus and walk with Him here on earth since that is what they will be doing in heaven. He can handle all those hurts and pain and depression and loneliness. No single woman is without this man, who perfectly understands, accepts and loves you. That is something you will never find in a human being, I guarantee it.
Wow, this is such a tough issue, Dave!
I note that if young women do start their own agencies, they will be cutting themselves off from contact with guys at another level, which doesn’t seem that desirable either.
I do wonder if women who are serious should look closer at the dangerous edges of mission. Would there be more interest if they had jungle camp under their belt? Flight training? Maybe guys want to see the flush in Emily’s cheeks as she hikes up the mountains of Kurdistan?
As for our generation, would it be beneficial to create social events that force the issue? The old coming out parties, debutante balls, etc. had a reason for being – many young men need to have the appropriate context be created for seeing girls as marriageable, and having to dance with them, or talk with them because there is positive peer pressure.
Bethany and I talked recently about how “Special Needs Dance Night” at the summer camp she worked at was the only time she ever really experienced that kind of guy-girl interaction at a fun, non-threatening “will-you-dance-with-me- it doesn’t-mean-anything-or-maybe-it-could-if-you-want-it-to” level. You could be as silly as you wanted, and it was expected that boys could show their nice side. Remember how about half the boys needed serious prodding to go to high school proms? They wanted to -but it was putting themselves on the line. Some of them, you could see, wanted to be forced!
Anyway, maybe a fly-in dinner-dance associated with Apostolos or something would help. My kids would go anywhere for a mixer, with enough notice but, as Emily brought out, the serious nature of missions conferences aren’t going to bring out that side of the guys without some serious manipulation, maybe.
Should I make my ministry “Social Director For Frontier Missions Events?” Hmmm?